Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Lost little ones

My Mom and I were talking the other day about how many babies are dying lately. I don't truly believe that there are really more babies dying now then normal. I am sure that we are just more observant and notice it more than we did before. It has been amazing to me how many people have talked to me since Bailey's death and told me that they had lost a little one previously in their life. It is also so sad how many people go through miscarriage which, although earlier on and different from our situation with Bailey, is truly the loss of a loved child. Chris and I have been through both situations - miscarriage and the loss of a full-term baby - both saddened us. It is unfortunate that people have to deal with such sadness and loss. However, it is also inevitable and, as we believe, part of a greater plan. Blessings come and lessons are learned from all situations - we just need to be aware and learn to recognize them.


With this said, the reason I felt the need to post today is this ..
Chris and I have discussed this numerous times and although we have experienced what we have, we still do not know the right words to say to someone who loses a baby. There is nothing you can say that is going to make the hurt go away. It almost seems trite to say "It will get better". However, coming from someone who has experienced the loss ... "It WILL get better". I still have my "bad" days. I still have moments of extreme sadness when I realize I will never have a little girl to dress in beautiful dresses and cute little bracelets or put cute little curls in her hair. I won't experience buying a dress for my Daughters first Prom. Chris won't walk his daughter down the aisle or have to "quiz" her dates. But you know what???? Life will go on .. and it WILL get better! We will probably always have "bad days" - especially when things come around that make us think of how fun a cute little GIRL would be. But .. we have our friends and family and, most importanly, we have our ADORABLE BOYS and each other. We, with the help of all of you, have pulled together and made it through the worst of it.


To those of you that are reading this because you have experienced the loss of a baby - we pray for you and our hearts go out to you. We are ALWAYS here to listen and sometimes that is what it takes. I never would have made it through without my friends that I knew were there to listen. They didn't SAY anything - but I knew they cared and wanted to do something although there was nothing they could do to change what we were going through.
So please .. just remember ... it's not WHAT you SAY but just a hug or smile and knowing you are there that got us through and we are there for all of you experiencing the same things .. we love you .. and it WILL get better.

3 comments:

Jennie Stephens said...

Just think, when your boys get married, they will give you 2 more amazing daughters! Its true, its hard to say "it will get better" another friend of mine lost her son at 19 months old in a terrible choking accident, its actually harder for her to deal with everything because she has to look at his twin brother everyday. It is bitter sweet......Bailey is your angel baby, and she will always be your daughter, and just think of what a glorious day it will be when you are reunited with your little angel. Doesnt make the next 50 plus years go by any faster or easier, but there is a light.....love you Jenn!

Hagen's said...

Thinking of you today and knowing it might be "one of those days". Love you and hope things will get better too!

Jenn said...

Thanks, Tam! I can't believe she would be 5 months old today - she would be getting so big. :)