Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, my sweet little Bai! I made sure you got your Christmas present before Christmas morning. It was late late at night on Christmas Eve and pouring rain but I got it there. I will visit again this week. I love you so much. I missed having you with us on Christmas morning but I thought of you often. You know how much we all love you.
Celebrate with all of your angel friends in Heaven and watch over all of us that love you.
That's the best we can do - until we are together again.
Love you!

Football and Fall

Hi my beautiful little Angel.
It's Fall again and I sure have a hard time with my missing you. Maybe it's because it's Football season and I remember how much I had looked forward to dressing you up in your team gear and having you as a cheerleading buddy at your big Brothers games. Or maybe I just get reminded of how supportive Parkers football team was when you came and then left us so soon. I will never erase the picture from my mind of those awesome 8 year old boys standing around you at your viewing while Parker proudly showed them his little Sister. What an awesome team we had to help us through those weeks. Or maybe it's simply because your birthday is approaching.
Whatever the reason, I miss you so incredibly much, Bai.
There will be no birthday party, no pretty dresses and bows or cute little dolls to unwrap. There will be no princesses or fairy costumes at Halloween time.
What I do have, though, are dreams of what might have been and knowing that one day, it will be.
I love you, Bai. I think of you every day.
Keep cheering with me from Heaven.
Daddy, Mommy, and your brothers never forget you!
Mommy

A Few Questions

Another song that I love!
Everyone must face challenges .. we all just get different ones. No matter what we are given to face, we need to remember there are others out there going through things just as tough.
Our trials are chosen for us by someone who knows we can make it through them and we can't give up.

JUST A FEW QUESTIONS
(Ray Scott/Phillip Moore/Adam Wheeler, sung by Clay Walker)

How in this world can we put a man on the moon,
And still have a need for a place like St Jude's?
And why is one man born,
In a place where all they know is war?
An' a guy like me,
Has always been free.

An' how can two people who built a lovin' home,
Try for years an' never have a child of their own?
When somewhere out there tonight,
There's a baby no-one's holdin' tight:
In need of love.
To me, that don't add up.

But I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans.
I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky.
So I don't mean to second guess you,
Or criticize what I don't understand.
These are just a few questions I have.

An' why did my cousin have to die in that crash?
A good kid, only seventeen, I still wonder 'bout that.
It seems unfair to me,
Some get the chance to chase their dreams,
An' some don't.
But what do I know?

I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans.
I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky.
So I don't mean to second guess you,
Or criticize what I don't understand.
These are just a few questions I have.

Why do I feel like you hear these prayers of mine.
When so many oughta be ahead of me in line?
When you look down on me,
Can you see the good through all the bad?
These just a few questions I have.

Glory Baby

GLORY BABY
by Christy and Nathan Nockels

Glory baby, you slipped away
As fast as we could say baby, baby
You were growing, what happened dear
You disappeared on us baby, baby

Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe
Until we're home with you
Until we're home with you

We miss you everday, miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay
We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until Mom and Dad can hold you
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do
Before we do

Sweet little baby, it's hard to understand it
'Cause we are hurting, we are hurting
But there is healing, and we know we're stronger people
Through the growing, and in knowing

All things work together for our good
And God works his purposes
Just like he said he would
Just like he said he would

We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay
We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until Mom and Dad can hold you
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heavne before we do

I can't imagine heaven's lullabies
And what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing
Heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know
All you'll ever know

We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay
We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until Mom and Dad can hold you
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do
Yeah, you'll just have heaven before we do
Before we do


We love you, Bailey! Watch over your Brothers until we meet again.

"Butterfly Fly Away"

"BUTTERFLY FLY AWAY"
Songwriters: Glen Ballard and Alan Silvestri
Sung by Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cyrus

You tucked me in, turned out the light
Kept me safe and sound at night
Little girls depend on things like that

Brushed my teeth and combed my hair
Had to drive me everywhere
You were always there when I looked back

You had to do it all alone
Make a living, make a home
Must have been as hard as it could be

And when I couldn't sleep at night
Scared things wouldn't turn out right
You would hold my hand and sing to me

Caterpillar in the tree
How you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far but you can always dream

Wish you may and wish you might
Don't you worry, hold on tight
I promise you there will come a day
Butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away
Flap your wings now you can't stay
Take those dreams and make them all come true

Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away
We've been waiting for this dy
All along and knowing just what to do
Butterfly, butterfly, butterfly, butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away
Butterfly fly away

I love you my sweet little girl. Although you weren't here long enough for us to see exactly who you'd be we know we will still have a chance to see you make your dreams come true. We just had to let you spread your wings and fly away for now .. until we meet again. I love you!

Happy Easter!

As Easter came, I was so very sad. I was sad about what I was missing - buying you a pretty little Easter dress and doing your hair cute with little bows. As your brothers painted Easter eggs (and, yes, of course they remembered to make a few with your name on them) I thought about how you would be old enough to make a mess with them this year. As they searched for the eggs hidden by that tricky Easter Bunny, again, I thought of you. Whether you would be using a walker or braces to walk or sitting in your wheelchair, your Brothers would have made sure you had fun with them looking everywhere to find those painted eggs. I was sad that you were missing out being with us - having fun with your very special Brothers. But then I realized, you are even luckier - you were spending the day with Jesus, another very special Brother. And it is because of him that we will be able to be with you again some day - and enjoy all of the special moments that we feel we have "missed" here on Earth. Isn't that what Easter is all about?
I love you and am missing you so very much, my little Bai.
Hugs and Kisses from Mommy, Daddy, and your Brothers! Happy Easter!

Temporary Home

Happy Birthday, baby girl!
No, it isn't some specific milestone but today is the 2nd of the Month which means you would have been 17 months old - almost 1 1/2 years old. I can't believe how time flies! I think of you always but especially on your birthday. I wonder what milestones we would be celebrating. But I know that one day we will be together to celebrate everything together. This song reminds me of you every time I hear it. Only part of it really pertains to you but I just have to keep remembering that this Earth was just your "Temporary Home" and one day Me, your Daddy, and your Brothers will all be together with you again - in our Heavenly Home.
Love you, sweet Bailey!

TEMPORARY HOME
(sung by Carrie Underwood)

Little boy, 6 years old
A little too used to bein' alone
Another new mom and dad, another school
Another house that'll never be home
When people ask him how he likes this place
He looks up and says with a smile upon his face
"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this is my Temporary Home."

Young mom on her own
She needs a little help, got nowhere to go
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out
Because a half-way house will never be a home
At night she whispers to her baby girl
Someday we'll find a place here in this world
"This is our temporary home
It's not where we belong
Windows and rooms that we're passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going
I'm not afraid because I know this is our Temporary Home."

Old man, hospital bed
The room is filled with people he loves
And he whispers don't cry for me I'll see you all someday
He looks up and says "I can see God's face."
"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through
This was just a stop, on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this was my Temporary Home."

This is our Temporary Home.

It's just "stuff"

I have to say that this is one post that it is probably good I waited a day or so before posting.
As many of you know, it has always been important to me that something .. anything .. is on Bailey's grave at all times. I don't like to think of it bare. I used to go AT LEAST once a week .. then cut it down to weekly .. and then every other week. However, since Christmas, I have had a very hard time going at all. It has been a rough few months for me "Bailey-wise" and I just haven't felt like I wanted to deal with it. Well, I finally decided it was time for me to go and take her Christmas wreath down, check on her, and leave her a little Valentine.
I stopped by the other day and upon pulling up was not suprised that the wreath and its hanger were missing. I figured it was my own fault for waiting so long and that they had probably just cleared the grave. However, as I walked up and stood there looking at her headstone I realized that there were more things missing. Her little snowman family that I left all winter last year and then took home for summer and returned again this winter was gone. Her basket with the bunny that my Sister had taken for her (again, been there since last Easter) was gone. I was so upset. Again, I thought that maybe they had just cleared the grave. Yet they had left the other pot that my Sister had made? I doubt that. Then the warning came back to me from when we were picking her headstone. We were warned not to pick the "copper" or more expensive built-in vases because people steal them and turn them in at the recylcing place for money. I had heard stories of people stealing flowers but really didn't think it would happen. However, I believe that is what happened this time. I believe that someone took the few little things I had left there for my Bailey. I was angry. Why would someone do that? What is the point? Did they need it for their loved ones grave? Honestly, I hope so. That would make me feel much better than to think that they were just thrown away.
Like I said .. I was very angry so it is probably good that it , took me a day or two to write this post. Why? Because I have had time to realize that ... "it's just stuff". Yes, to me it represents my love for my sweet daughter. Having something there at all times makes me feel that she is loved, that someone remembers her, that she is not forgotten. But does the "stuff" really make that love more real? No, I am sure that she knows how very loved she is no matter what. She was loved by so many people even before her birth. She touched peoples lives in ways that are unimaginable for a baby who lived just under 3 days - people that never even met her - people that never even met us. Her story has touched many. She will not be forgotten.
I love you sweet, Bailey.
(P.S. I still don't want you to take her "stuff"! HA HA - OK, I'm still a protective Mommy.)