Sunday, February 7, 2010

It's just "stuff"

I have to say that this is one post that it is probably good I waited a day or so before posting.
As many of you know, it has always been important to me that something .. anything .. is on Bailey's grave at all times. I don't like to think of it bare. I used to go AT LEAST once a week .. then cut it down to weekly .. and then every other week. However, since Christmas, I have had a very hard time going at all. It has been a rough few months for me "Bailey-wise" and I just haven't felt like I wanted to deal with it. Well, I finally decided it was time for me to go and take her Christmas wreath down, check on her, and leave her a little Valentine.
I stopped by the other day and upon pulling up was not suprised that the wreath and its hanger were missing. I figured it was my own fault for waiting so long and that they had probably just cleared the grave. However, as I walked up and stood there looking at her headstone I realized that there were more things missing. Her little snowman family that I left all winter last year and then took home for summer and returned again this winter was gone. Her basket with the bunny that my Sister had taken for her (again, been there since last Easter) was gone. I was so upset. Again, I thought that maybe they had just cleared the grave. Yet they had left the other pot that my Sister had made? I doubt that. Then the warning came back to me from when we were picking her headstone. We were warned not to pick the "copper" or more expensive built-in vases because people steal them and turn them in at the recylcing place for money. I had heard stories of people stealing flowers but really didn't think it would happen. However, I believe that is what happened this time. I believe that someone took the few little things I had left there for my Bailey. I was angry. Why would someone do that? What is the point? Did they need it for their loved ones grave? Honestly, I hope so. That would make me feel much better than to think that they were just thrown away.
Like I said .. I was very angry so it is probably good that it , took me a day or two to write this post. Why? Because I have had time to realize that ... "it's just stuff". Yes, to me it represents my love for my sweet daughter. Having something there at all times makes me feel that she is loved, that someone remembers her, that she is not forgotten. But does the "stuff" really make that love more real? No, I am sure that she knows how very loved she is no matter what. She was loved by so many people even before her birth. She touched peoples lives in ways that are unimaginable for a baby who lived just under 3 days - people that never even met her - people that never even met us. Her story has touched many. She will not be forgotten.
I love you sweet, Bailey.
(P.S. I still don't want you to take her "stuff"! HA HA - OK, I'm still a protective Mommy.)


LHartman said...

Hi, my name is LaCenda and I am from Canyon, TX. I love to read blogs and I came across your blog today and it touched my heart. I have a two year old little girl and I was pregnant with my second child and had a dnc done because the baby just stopped growing and there was no heart beat. Since that day I have found strength in prayer but have just been real negative about things. The things I have been negative about really don’t matter!! After reading your blog I realized that I have been very selfish and that I should be thankful that I do have my little girl and that God took this baby for a reason and I am lucky that he took him or her so early in the pregnancy. I just want you to know that I found strength in your strength and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Touche said...

You are right -- it is just stuff-- and you are also right that she knows we all love her and will at some point all be together. I will probably be the first one to have that wonderful reunion. Love ya.

Briget said...

Just browsing the blogs tonight as I am at work monitoring someone's precious child all night long. It is a new job for me and I had mixed feelings about it. But your post reminded me that looking after a child is probably the most important work anyone can do. I am grateful for your openness about your heart's loss and so glad you take comfort in your faith.

I believe you are right, it's all just stuff, probably more important to her earthly family than to her as she has Jesus with her until you see her again.

Take care.