Tuesday, December 16, 2008

It happened again

Chris and I have come to call it "ruining their day". It is when people ask you "How is the baby?" and you have to respond by saying "Actually, she passed away when she was 2 days old." It just seems to ruin their day. It is uncomfortable - they don't know what to say and I do my best at trying to make them not feel bad for asking but no matter what .. there is that tension in the air.
Today I had to go for an ultrasound on my leg to check for blood clots again. The radiologist asked me why I had been on Lovenox shots for the last several months and I told her it was because I had been pregnant. She then proceeded to ask me what I had and I told her a little girl and then it came ...
Radiologist: "How are you feeling since she was born?"
Me: "Good."
Radiologist: "And how is the baby doing?"
(Silence while I decide how to respond.)
Me: "Actually she passed away when she was 2 days old."
(More silence.)
I HATE these conversations. Not because they make me sad but because I am still struggling to figure out the best way to handle them. Should I just avoid them by saying "Fine" and moving on. I just have a hard time with that because she isn't "Fine". However, sometimes I am just not up to explaining over and over what happened to my precious Bailey.
Hopefully I will figure out the best answer someday. For now, I will just continue to "ruin peoples days".


Jennie Stephens said...

Oh Jenn, those just have to be hard times! I am so sorry that you are going through this pain. I truly believe that there is a plan, and your little bailey angel is not alone and will be with you again. I just do hope you find happiness this Christmas and enjoy your boy's smiling faces and give and get LOTS of hugs! Love you!

Our Family said...

My sweet Jenn, it hasn't been easy for me yet, but I feel that if I don't recognize Landon then it was all for naught. Perhaps my strength will strengthen others. Who knows...but know I'm here for you and hopefully one day it will get better. Love you!