As you already know, telling Parker that his Sister was not going to live was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Even harder, however, was trying to explain to him why his "Faith" and prayers had not worked.
When Bailey continued to fight for her life and lived longer than anticipated, we were able to bring the boys back in to see her while she was still alive but not on her respirator. It was then that Parker kept saying to me things like:
"Look Mom, her color is coming back."
"I have been praying all day for her. She is going to live."
"I am the only one that has faith that she will live. Why am I the only one with faith?"
How do I explain to my darling Son that no matter how much faith he has and how many prayers he says, he could not save his sweet Sister? I had already explained that sometimes our Heavenly Father answers prayers in different ways than what we would want - but that just didn't seem to be comforting him.
On Sunday, when we went to pick Parker and Caleb up from my Sisters house, where they had stayed the night before, I knew that Parker was still full of hope and "faith" as soon as he came to the door. He was looking past me towards the car with a big smile on his face. He was looking for his Sister. What should I do?
I chose to go inside and see what happened. It took about 20 minutes before he finally said something but then he came to me, sat down, and in his very grown-up voice said:
"So Mom, How'd Bailey do?"
While trying to hold back tears I said "She did fine."
P: "So is she alive?"
Me: "No, honey. She isn't."
P: Slowly stands up and walks away.
HEARTBREAKING! So grown up yet still my little baby boy in so many ways.
I love you, Parker. I love you for your faith. I love you for your prayers. And I love you for your being the tender-hearted, smart boy that you are. I know you will miss your Sister terribly but I am so thankful to you for talking to me about your feelings and asking the questions you have so that you will understand things that a boy your age should not have to but, yet, you do.
You will always have your angel Bailey in Heaven watching over you!
3 years ago